Rephrasing the question for solutions

Asking right questions turn out a major turning point or bring the solutions to the problem. One typical example as most of us aware that Mahatma Gandhi was humiliated by British, he asked himself "If this happens to educated person like me, what about the millions of people in India? That turns out a history.
Besides, asking right question with appropriate rephrasing will bring real solutions approach. 

 For example, 

If you are concerned that  your boss/ colleagues are not valuing your views, you may ask yourself   “Why my boss is not respecting my views?"  (Sometimes spouse also !!!).This question may not lead to much impact as your mind is already filled with a presupposition that boss is not respecting, and you try to find the answers to support your question only. It may bring self-pity, blaming and self-depression.

Instead, if you rephrase it as “How can I make my boss listen to my views ?“ .In this question also, you internally accepted that boss is not accepting you, but your mind will start to think of the solutions part, whereas in first question your thoughts stop at the reasoning level only. Your mind accepts the fact and also starts working on the solutions.

This rephrasing the question needs a little bit awareness on your questioning pattern, and it is possible with practice.Ask a right question with a right frame of mind, and you will get right solutions!

What are you thinking and feeling during conflict?

      When conflict happens between two either at home or in the profession, only a few have the maturity to see the conflict as the difference of opinion and able to take it lightly considering the big picture of family or organizational. Most of the people struggle to differentiate the conflict over issues and personalities. Also, conflict end with compromising, accepting other’s perspectives, forgive, being humble or not getting into blaming or even taking personally.

Your thinking and feeling during the conflict determine your peace of minds. One of the powerful strategy philosopher and psychologists suggest that think of the consequences and think of the event in a time distant, say from a week now, a month now or even a year now. That makes a difference.
For example, recollect a conflict, which ended up intense arguments one year back with your spouse or colleague.Answer yourself whether that event is significant to you or your life now. Mostly, it will not.

Likewise, if you think of the argument’s significance one week or a month down the line or its consequence to your quality of life, most of the conflict ends up smoothly.

It just requires awareness during the conflict. Just try when you get into heated arguments with somebody closer to you and learn!

“Beyond Expression”

Most of us frequently describe the professional boss (even spouse at home!) as “angry person”. We complain as they get angry often.Angry is one of the most labeled emotion which is visible to outside.When we start giving different terms of emotions to the “angry”, we may get different insights.

Sometimes, they get angry because they are impatient with our behavior or results
Sometimes they get angry because they get offended by our words or behavior 
Sometimes they get angry because they frustrated with our behavior or actions
Sometimes they get angry because they annoyed with our behavior or actions

The outcome expression may be angry and look like same all the time, but the reason for the outcome may be different every time.

When we understand other’s intention at surface level, there is less chance for improving relationship or change in self-behavior. If we understand other’s intention at a deep level or different perspectives, there may be a chance to improve the relationship or self-improvement.

It just requires awareness and conscious interest to get the perspectives right!

Are you grateful or regretful?

      There are only two set of people based on their perspectives about life .One is being grateful for everything and another one being regretful for everything. The first set of people looks at the life with the achievements they did so far, being grateful, happy, and look for next level growth. The Second set of people always looks for what they missed out irrespective of their achievement, becoming skeptical about themselves and lose the sight of future prospects

       One of the studies in sport reveals that, the person who won the bronze medal use to be happier than the person who won the silver medal. The reason may be that silver won person kept thinking about how he missed out the gold medal, forgetting the gift of being achieved silver, whereas the bronze won person kept feeling that he got into the medal winners list and be proud of achieving.

      The point is that aiming for high is good, but not at the cost of forgetting the current achievement and celebration. It is our mindset, how we look into the life, feeling either happy about current achievement despite challenges or cribbing about what we lost.

      Let us celebrate the current achievement of 2016, feel grateful, and aim high for 2017!

Regrets of the dying

Bronnie ware is an Australian nurse who spent many years working in palliative care, taking care of patients in the last weeks of their lives. She collected the information from dying people about their regrets, wishes, missed opportunities etc and she found a common pattern surfaced repeatedly .Based on her experience, she had written a book “Regrets of the dying people” which is a best seller.

The top five regrets emerge from the majority of the people are 

1.I wish I had courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me
2.I wish I didn’t work so hard
3.I wish I had the courage to express my feelings
4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends
5.I wish that I had let myself be happier

Those above regrets may not be the expression of entire humanity as it is not statistical proven,yet  the sample may reflect the quality of life .Most of us are living with sub standard life against our inner deep desire .Striving for fulfillment must be a conscious decision and that requires awareness .

Let us be aware of our quality of living!

Be aware of your mental state for positive results

             As human beings, we are undergoing a different set of emotions or mental state in every minute. . The mental state can be positive  state like being in happy, high energy level, highly enthusiasm, etc. or the  mental state could be  limiting state like being sad, angry, worry, laziness etc. Actually, those mental states drive the quality of behavior or action at any point of time.

            When we are in a positive state, our words, tone and actions will be positive whereas in limiting state, our actions leads into more chaos or unproductive. So be aware of in which state you are in at any point of time and change your state before taking any actions or communicating to others.

           One  way  to change state instantly is by changing physiology or body language. For example, imagine that you are in deep thinking or in a sad mood and you are receiving a phone call from your well-wisher or friend. You are quickly changing your state to a positive state of happiness. Actually, during that moment, you are changing your physiology or body language that enables you to switch the state. It is possible to change the state instantly with little focus on awareness and practice. 

          The point is when you are taking any important decision or even talking to someone, aware of your state and change into a positive state. The result or response also will be positive.