Finding your Purpose

Finding your Purpose
(Emotional Management for Personal & Professional Growth Series)

 

As we have been discussing the methodologies of being aware of self, the last one in the effort of self-awareness is finding the purpose of existence.

Some people are gifted to aware of their purpose at a young age and channelizing their energy in fulfilling the purpose. For others, the purpose has to be realized by asking the question themselves continuously. It is not a one-time effort, and this pursuit of search is a life long exercise.

In my opinion, we need to explore the purpose of life in two layers to avoid the complexity, one at a spiritual level and another at a materialistic level.

Most of the spiritual masters mention that the purpose of life is to live happily and peacefully, or some refer the purpose is to attempt to break the birth-death-rebirth cycle. Have we reached that level of maturity in awareness and practice it? That is one level of exploration.

From a materialistic perspective, we need to be sure about the purpose from our service point of view. We need to ask question ourselves, "what is the purpose of my existence? What am I doing with my background, education, experience, passion, and am i living meaningful or impactful?  When you ask this question frequently, you will get some insights about the macro-level purpose, at least from a materialistic perspective rather than not being sensitive to life. That is another level of exploration.

The most significant benefit of knowing the purpose is that we get clarity on the sense of direction, clarity on our thoughts and actions. When both thoughts and actions are aligned, we move towards the mastering of our emotions at the professional front.

My experience is that the effort to find the purpose will make you understand yourself better.

Depending on the individual's level of evolution, he/ she chooses to explore the purpose either from a materialistic or spiritual perspective. That exploration brings more awareness of self!

 

Aware of Personal Values

Aware of Personal Values 
(Emotional Management for Personal & Professional Growth Series)

 

As we are learning some of the ways to be more aware of self, let us understand the power of personal values in decision making and managing our emotions in the workplace.

What is meant by personal values?

Values are things that we regard as very important for us. Some examples of values could be equality, honesty, learning, pride, effort, perseverance, loyalty, commitment, faithfulness, money, relationship, love, care, kindness, health, family, career and so on. Each one of us has some deep-rooted importance or values on the subconscious level, and it directs the emotions at an appropriate time.

We make decisions based on the values and we use them as a compass to enhance the positive emotions or to avoid negative emotions. When we have clarity on our core value, i.e., what is very much essential for us, that will help us to resolve any hidden conflicts, remove internal stress and outburst in any decisions.

For example,

You might have observed some people that they used to make quick decisions when it comes to career vs. family as they have clarity on what they want. Some take career growth over family, happy with that, and vice versa. Because they are clear about what is important for them, and they align the decision. When you force yourself to decide on against your internal value system, you get into the trap of value conflict, and that will affect your emotions severely.

A few years back, i  collaborated with a known person for the business. Within a month of working together, i  felt discomfort and developed internal stress as there was value conflict between us. I valued much on process, methodological working, slow  and my partner valued much on the result, speed and revenue generation. Within a short time, we closed the partnership deal. There is nothing wrong with the individual's choice of values; both are right. But when there is value conflict, it is not going to be beneficial to anyone in the long term.

You might have come across similar situations with your friends, family members, colleagues and the quality of the relationship is based on value alignment and value conflict.

The point is that being aware of personal values and value alignment is a very much important aspect for intrapersonal, interpersonal, and organizational harmony and growth.

When you are aware of your values, you will get clarity on your priorities and importance. This clarity will help you to make the right decisions and keeping your emotions in a positive mode.
 

---

Action:
List down the important things for you and finally shortlist the TOP3 values. Check whether it is aligned with your aspirations and with others.
Finetuning and altering the values with the help of the coach will change the direction of life. 

Power of belief on emotions

Power of belief on emotions  
(Emotional Management for Personal & Professional Growth Series)


 

As we are learning some of the ways to be more aware of self, let us understand the power of beliefs and values in shaping our personality and in managing our emotions at the workplace.

What is meant by belief?

Beliefs are the assumptions that we make about ourselves, about others and the world. There is no truth in that, it is not a fact, but we tend to believe it true. That is strange about the belief systems.

For example, some of us believe that some numbers are lucky nos. Say No 7. There is no logic, no fact, but we believe in that. That belief drives us to choose our vehicle no ending with 7 or choosing mobile no end with 7 and so on…. That belief comes from coincidental or experiences on many occasions, and we use to believe that is true. Those beliefs are driving us towards appropriate emotions and actions which propel for growth or limits from the growth.

Some of the  examples of beliefs we may have

More money, more fun
More money, more trouble
Meetings are wasting of time
My team will do anything for me
My team will never do anything without my follow-up
My intuition is always right
I am more productive in the late evening work
I will have stomach pain on Monday morning!

All the above may not be fact, but we believe it as truth.

How does belief impact our emotions and actions?

Whether the belief may be empowered or limited, it is impacting our emotions and actions.

For example,

I know one business head who firmly believes that his product quality is superior to competitors, and his business is surviving only because of quality. That is his belief, whether empowering or limiting belief does not matter. How this belief drives his emotions and actions is that he will never tolerate any people’s behavior, which is affecting the quality, and he never hesitates to invest for the sake of enhancing quality. That way, his belief is positively driving his emotions and actions. The customer is happy to work with him.

Another example is one manager strongly believes that he is the only person who can do his functional activity with perfection, and he also believes that his team members are not that much capable of executing well. Because of the belief, he uses to do all the job by himself and rarely he delegates. Even after delegation, if he finds poor execution, he loses his temper and creates havoc in the workplace. People try to avoid him.

In both examples, the underlying cause behind the behavior or action is the BELIEF.

The point is whether the belief is empowered or limited; it drives our emotions and behavior. We need to be aware of our own beliefs and able to classify whether it is empowering or limiting us.

Your awareness will help to take action to strengthen empowering belief or to eliminate limiting belief.
 

---

Action :

Just write down your beliefs you are holding about yourself, family, team, profession, or your business and be aware of its nature, whether empowering you or limiting you!

That is the starting point to manage the emotions in the workplace

---

.
Let us discuss more on beliefs and values next week

Understanding more about YOU

Understanding YOU  
(Emotional Management for Personal & Professional Growth Series)
 

As we are aware that self-awareness will improve emotional intelligence at work. Before going into the next methodology of self-awareness, let us understand the rationale behind every behavior at the workplace and the inner personality with the following framework.
 
               
What we see externally is only BEHAVIOR, and if we would like to improve the positive or negative behavior for betterment, we need to work internally. As shown in the framework, the behavior is an outcome of internal emotions or feelings, and the emotions are the outcome of attitude towards work or life or anything. The attitude comes from our values and beliefs about work or life or anything. What resides is our real inner personality.
Overall if you would like to improve the management of your emotions at the workplace, you need to work on inner personality.

Let me narrate my personal experience in changing the behavior at the workplace as it may not be appropriate to take common experiences. You can relate to your own experiences for understanding the concept better.

When I was working as a project manager, in one instance, the project deliverables were about to fail. I lost my temper, behaved rudely with junior colleagues, which was immature and not at all acceptable in the professional environment by any justifications. However, i could narrate the reasoning behind unacceptable behavior through the framework.

The unacceptable behavior is an outcome of my internal emotions like fear of failing in the project, in turn, losing personal creditability. The fear comes from the attitude of looking at the work from a self point of view. The attitude was if something committed, it must be done at any cost. From where this attitude comes from? It comes from the values and beliefs that i was holding about myself and work. I valued more of pride in achievement, commitment to deliverables, and i believed that the project is a straight line like an operational task. I  wrongly believed that plan should not have any uncertainties. All those beliefs, values, attitudes, emotions result in the behavior.

If i  want to improve the behavior, then i should look at my false belief about the project nature,  self’s unrealistic expectation, attitude towards self and work, then only unreasonable fear of losing personal value with one failure would disappear. Once the emotion of fear is in control, i  am in a state of reasoning the root cause of the failures. Then it would enable me to display more positive, balanced, mature behavior externally to the team.

The point behind the narration is that every one of us needs to analyze ourselves at a deeper level on every positive and negative behavior for the transformation.

It takes time and needs the patience to improve self. The more you do self-analysis, the more you become emotionally stronger in both personal and professional life.

Let us discuss more beliefs and values next week!
 

Self Awareness - SWOT Analysis

Self Awareness - SWOT Analysis
(Emotional Management for Personal & Professional Growth Series)



 

Having discussed the importance of self-awareness last week, let us discuss some of the methodologies through which you can be aware of yourself better.

1. Self Introspection through SWOT analysis
2. Values and Beliefs clarity
3. Identifying purpose and passion 

 
First, let us discuss one of the powerful methods of knowing self is through SWOT analysis. As most of us aware that this SWOT tool is being used for business purposes, and it can be being used for personal development as well.

SWOT  stands for is Strength, Weakness, or area for improvement, Opportunities, and Threats. 

a brief idea about each element

 Strength :

Everyone has unique strengths. Identifying and leveraging is one of the aspects of self-awareness. Self can define strength by listing out all positive attributes or by taking reference from other's feedback or opinion as expressed frequently.

For example, you may be realizing that you are good at "thinking creatively," that is your strength. Or others also might have mentioned this quality many times. 
 
Weakness or Area for Improvement:
 
Weakness or Area for Improvement is quite the opposite of strength. Some of the areas which you may think to improve further or others might have mentioned frequently.
 
For example, you may be thinking that you are not good at listening. Some people might have pointed at your poor listening. You might come across many occasions you made the task complicated due to poor listening ability. Those are all clues that you need to improve further on listening skills.

In my opinion, there is no weakness in personal capabilities; it is only an "area for improvement." Anything can be improved over some time if we have awareness and take action.
 
Opportunity :
 
Opportunity is nothing, but when you leverage your strength, that will become an opportunity or the changes in the external world that will give you a chance to leverage.
 
For example, if you identify your creativeness as strength, what are the opportunities that exist to explore?
 
Threat:
 
The threat is quite the opposite of opportunity. When you are not addressing your area of improvement for a longer duration, that will become a threat to your survival or growth. Also, you can identify the change in the environment, and if you are not updated, that will become a threat.
 
The point is SWOT as a tool that helps you to streamline your thought processes to know yourself better. This analysis can be done at least once in a year that will give more clarity about yourself. I have been using this analysis myself for the last 25 years and finding useful.
 

---

Action plan

Identify your strength, areas for improvement, opportunities, and threats in your personal and professional areas that will give you some level awareness about you.
 

---

Initially, articulating seems to be difficult, and this analysis is an iterative process.

Self Awareness

Self Awareness
(Emotional Management for Personal & Professional Growth Series)

 

The first step in improving emotional intelligence at the workplace is self-awareness. Self-awareness is more of knowing self in terms of strengths, limitations, beliefs, values, purpose, passion, and feelings/ emotions at a deeper level.
 Why is Self-awareness required?

When we are aware of ourselves, we choose the right field to play to win and be prepared to improve.

Let me give you some real examples which will bring more understanding about the power of self-awareness in personal and professional growth.

1. One of my known business heads realized that he frequently stuck in a meeting and not able to ask the questions to his team. That is the moment of self-awareness of his limitation. After realizing that, he has been consciously learning the art of questioning in different circumstances.
2. One of my colleagues who was working as a senior manager identified his strength lies in people management than in detailed engineering. That moment of realization made him shift into a general management area and been successful for the last decade.
3. One of my friends recently identified his limitations in dealing with the online webinar format of learning, particularly on listening ability and coping up. Now he is working on improving the listening capability as suggested to him.
4. Personally, when i became aware of my limitations on my writing skill without grammatical errors, now I am using grammatical software to improve the writing quality and still working on it.
 The real problem is not with the strengths or limitations, but not aware of those strengths/ limitations and leading a suboptimal life with suffering self and others.
When you know more about yourselves, it will improve your leadership effectiveness and relationship qualities.

But the strange fact is that most of us think that we know about ourselves very well. That is not TRUE. One of the studies conducted by Carnegie Mellon University researchers among the leaders of many organizations found that only 15 % of the people are aware of themselves very well and remaining either overestimated or underestimated themselves.

When I was working in an organization, as part of the leadership development process, the HR team asked me to rate myself on some of the leadership attributes. Also, they asked my peers and junior colleagues to rate me on the same attributes. To my surprise, in all the attributes, I have rated high about myself than others. That is a blindspot. That is the moment of self-awareness about myself.

We will learn the structured way of knowing ourselves in the coming weeks, and as of now, to get an overview of your judgment about yourself, suggest you take the following action this week.

 

---

 quick action on self-awareness 

• Reach out 3 people who are very close to you and know more about you. They can be your partner, colleagues  &  friends.
• Ask them to give feedback on TOP 3 POSITIVE qualities of you and TOP  3 AREAS OF LIMITATIONS of you as they feel.
• Summarise the responses and calibrate yourself on what do you think about yourself and others' feedback are matching or not.

---

Pl do not get into justification or defend. Just be aware of yourself.
 Self-awareness is the first step in improving your emotional stability and leadership qualities.

 

Indicators of Low Emotional Intelligence (EI)

Indicators of Low Emotional Intelligence (EI) 
(Emotional Management for Personal & Professional Growth Series)

 

How to measure our current emotional intelligence level?  Many agencies in the market are administrating psychometric assessments to measure EI level and it is up to the individual to take it if it is affordable, keen on the quantitative metrics, and the development plan.

Alternatively, let us reflect on some of the habits that we demonstrate on a day to day activities. Those habits will give some ideas about our current capability of managing emotions and the gaps to bridge.

Given below, some of the habits/behaviors in the workplace. If you relate more points with your behavior, then you need to realize that you should work on emotional management aspects.

Some of the indicators of low emotional management skill 
 

1. Accepting to other’s obligation to complete a task by saying YES, then internally feeling bad about ourselves for not saying NO and finding difficulty to complete the task as per commitment and developing internal stress.
2. Getting into arguments for silly issues with colleagues or external people even though they admit the mistake. Just to prove our stand, keep on talking.
3. Criticizing others even though we do not have a direct influence and not relevant to personal, professional, business growth. ( For example, by  criticizing the player’s performance who are actually in the field or criticizing the people who are in the hot seat and no way we connect with them and no way they can hear our voice.)
4. Frequently losing coolness and shouting in high decibels with colleagues, junior colleagues, and at the end of the drama, the purpose is never met!
5. Taking “Impulsive decisions” due to overjoy or anger or frustration which sometimes backfires by way of monetary loss, time loss and the friction in the relationship.
6. Not having the patience to listen to others, interrupting with personal views.
7. Blaming others when things go wrong and not realizing the self’s contribution to the failure
8. Frequently going in a self-sabotaging mode for all the failures without logically analyzing the causes.
9. Not able to focus and prioritize. Keep on changing the priorities or even jobs or business.
10. Not able to look at the issues from other’s perspectives and more self-centered.

You can add the list based on your experience and relate your selves.

We need not regret today’s level of managing emotions effectively as it is the effect of many variables like your values, beliefs, awareness of self and others which we discuss later with counteractions. But awareness is essential for progress.

Moving towards higher-level emotional management is possible with awareness and practice.

Let us discuss more on this aspect.

Emotional management and its effect

Emotional management and its effect (Emotional Management for Personal & Professional Growth Series)

As we discussed the importance of emotional management in the workplace, let us see a typical example of different emotional management for a particular event and how it is affecting the quality of the relationship and impacting the performance.

For example, one of your teammates prepared a presentation which you suppose to present it to your customer. The presentation content seems to be as good as you expected.
 
Now you have three choices on managing your emotions in terms of recognizing and expressing.
 
Choice 1: Recognizing your feeling of happiness and expressing to your teammate
 
Since you have a high level of emotional intelligence, at that moment, you realize the feeling of happiness. Also, you express your happiness to your teammate by appreciating the work, giving some more positive feedback about the presentation.

Consequence:

First, you are feeling happy and at a high level of a positive state. Second, your teammate feels happy, motivated with your appreciation, and learns some more tips on the presentation from you. There is a chance of development in his/her capability and an increase in the quality of the relationship.
 
Choice 2: Recognizing the feeling of happiness, but not expressing to your teammate.
 
You may feel happy and ending the discussion with the teammate with a simple gesture of thankfulness.
 
Consequence:

your teammate is not getting any clue about your feeling. He/she may get disappointed, doubtful about his / her quality of work, feeling not learning much from work. The quality of the relationship is neutral and not much scope for development.
 
Choice 3: Not recognizing your feeling of happiness and not expressing to your teammate
 
As you are with low EQ, you are not in a position to recognize your feeling at that moment and concern about other’s work.

Consequence:

Nothing fulfills you, and your teammate feels low for a thankless job and not getting any clue about the work, and there may be chances of poor relationship building and learning.
 
We are not concluding which choice is right or wrong. It is up to the individual to decide. The point to realize is that, knowingly or unknowingly, we are displaying either one of the choices in our interactions, and each choice has a different consequence on either relationship building or managerial/ leading capability in the workplace. 
 
Going forward, let us discuss the process of developing awareness of emotional management.

Why is emotional management required in the workplace?

Why is emotional management required in the workplace?
(Emotional Management for Personal & Professional Growth Series)

 

Emotional management at work is all about managing your emotions or feelings within yourself, expressing well, understanding other's emotions, regulating your response in line with both yours and others.

When we learn to master the emotions through awareness and practices, it brings the following personal and professional benefits.
 

1. Being in a peaceful state  
2. Feeling complete
3. Being productive
4. Taking timely and right decisions
5. Enabling growth in the profession
6. Nurturing a good relationship with others 

 For example, you might have seen some people who are qualified with educations and technical/functional skills (IQ), but not being happy inside, not achieved much growth in the profession and not sought after person. But some people without much educational qualification, low intelligence on technical/functional aspects are living a fulfilled life, having a good relationship with others and consistently grown in professions. The main reason for the contradiction is emotional intelligence (EQ) or emotional management skill only.
 
Even at the business level, some business is quite successful and grown consistently because the leaders are good at managing the emotions well at self-level and managing the people's feelings very well. People could be employees, customers, and other stakeholders.

Most of the organizational problems are related to people management only. The executive leaders who are good at managing the people well can drive the business results also very well. That calls for effective emotional management skills.

What is meant by emotions?

Psychologists suggest the six dominant emotions that we are experiencing most of the time, namely happiness, sadness, anger, fear, surprise, and disgust. Under each, there may be many sub-elements.

When we manage those emotions very well in terms of recognizing and expressing, we become a better person in dealing with emotions.

For example,

one of your teammates prepared a presentation which you suppose to present it to your customer. You are happy with the presentation quality. The way you are recognizing your emotions at the moment and expressing with others will have a consequence on your quality of self and relationship. Let us discuss the various scenario next week that will give you the idea of our emotional management.

Learning Emotional Intelligence

Some time back, i requested feedback on the topic to be discussed for our personal and professional growth. Some have expressed  the requirements indirectly the struggles they have at a personal level and the workplace as follows

• dealing with the decision dilemma
• managing the boss and the colleagues
• how do we know we are on the right path?
• developing charisma
• improving interpersonal skill
• managing the conflict and difficult people
• overcoming stress

When we observe all the struggles, most of them are related to emotional management only.

Emotional management can be defined as the ability to recognize and regulate emotions in ourselves and others to make effective decisions.

When we are aware of ourselves in terms of our values, beliefs, strengths, areas of improvement, and if we learn to know how to deal with the emotions of others, we can become a better person. That awareness brings the ability to manage all the challenges in the workplace.
 
 For the last 30 years, the modern business world packaged emotions related aspects into a new theory, termed as Emotional Intelligence or Emotional Quotient and a lot of researches and books have been written on that subject. When we go in-depth of those theories and researches, one after study either supports or counters previous findings, and some of them are not considering cultural differences.

One thing I had realized that reasonable emotional management is already in our culture as we encourage more family systems and our ancient mythologies also insist upon emotional management. The Bhagavat Gita starts with the emotional conflict of Arjuna, and Krishna taught more to bring emotional stability as part of his teachings.
 
Hence, we need a holistic approach to look at our personal and organizational challenges in dealing with emotions from our culture, a combination of emotions, and a spiritual perspective. Also, to bring a transformation at an individual level on emotion management, just theory alone is not sufficient, we need to experiment, and self-realization is required.
 
With that context only, we are going to discuss "Emotional Management for Personal and Professional Growth" in the coming weeks with an in-depth explanation of some of the concepts, real-life examples, small actions, and sharing the personal experiences. We focus more on our discussions with reference to workplace challenges only.
 
Given below the broad area of coverage.
 

• Knowing self – Strengths / Values / Beliefs / purpose /balancing in all aspects of life
• Controlling and Managing our emotions for positive turnout
• Achievement drive – self-motivation/ finding passion/ taking responsibility / being in energetic mode / Looking at the work and people from a karma perspective
• Managing Others – background/understanding and  sensitizing emotions  /developing others
• Leveraging relationship to achieve results – Leading change / Influencing / Building Team/ Improving communication

 
Look forward to your views and sharing your experiences.