Understanding conflict dynamics

 Understanding conflict dynamics

(Emotional Management for Personal & Professional Growth Series)
 

As we have discussed the importance of developing conflict management competency to get things done and maintain the relationship with others in a professional setup, let us understand the dynamics of conflict. This awareness will help us to choose the right mindset before, during, after conflict moments and also allow us to choose the right approach or strategy.

1) Not all conflicts are negative consequences

The moment we think about conflict, we associate it with negative emotions. Not necessarily; all the differences are negative. Some disputes will end up with improved performance and relationships.

2) Conflict happens where we have more interdependent relationships 
 
Generally, we do not bother much about the differences with whom we interact occasionally. For example, conflict with a potential customer on the solutions approach, and we walk away without much regret.

Whereas we do get disturbed about the differences that arise with a person with whom we frequently interact—for example, conflict with existing customers or with partners or colleagues on the service quality. There, we struggle to balance between performance and relationship.

When we are aware of the need for balancing with more dependant networks, that will enhance our responsibility in handling the differences with the proper mindset and methods.

3) Being aware of Feelings when dealing with the differences

Most likely, we have feelings around
 
a) How do I feel about the outcome
b) How do i feel about me 
c) how do i feel about the proceedings
d) how do i feel about the relationship with others

When you are mindful of those feelings at that moment, either you can influence the proceedings or feel good about yourself, or you can treat others respectfully during arguments and be empathetic about others or sure about your expectation.

4) Conflict and Power :
 
Differences arise mainly due to POWER in an organizational setup. Power means the ability to get things done. The perception of power with relating to others makes a difference in the way we manage conflicts.



 
Let us discuss some of the interesting aspects of Power next week.

Book on Conflict management at workplace

 Book on Conflict management at workplace

(Emotional Management for Personal & Professional Growth Series)

 

Recently i bought this book " Making Conflict Work" to learn more about conflict management beyond textbook definition and conflict management techniques.

This book served the purpose as the authors had narrated the conflict management process through evidence-based insights, interviews and case studies from practicing managers and leaders in the real world.

If you would like to get more perspective on dealing with disagreement and reaching your goal of getting things done through people, this book can help.

https://amzn.to/3wy6nha

Happy Learning and let us discuss some of the insights on conflict management next week!

Developing Conflict Management Competency

 Developing Conflict Management Competency 

(Emotional Management for Personal & Professional Growth Series)

As we discuss the People Management Skill @ workplace, one of the potential areas for competency development for managers and leaders is managing the conflict.

 
What is meant by Conflict?
 
One of the definitions says, “Any situation in which people have incompatible interests, views, goals, principles or feelings.”

By any definition, conflict means DIFFERENCES.

Differences could be on the values, principles, focus areas, means of achieving something, and interest.

Whatever the differences, the underlying factor in any difference is EMOTIONAL baggage like fear of losing the relationship, fear of rejection, losing control, perceived loss of respect, feeling small or low. You can name the destructive emotions that will exist when dealing with the conflict situation depending on the context and the person dealt with.

That is why most of us do not like to be in a conflict situation, as we inherently avoid the pain of handling the emotions during the conflict situation.

However, as a leader or manager, we cannot escape the conflict moments in day-to-day activity. We have conflicts that range from slight to immense magnitude of decision-making in our professional environment.

For example,
 
Can we have a review meeting on Monday morning or Saturday evening?
Should we give priority to payables or receivables?
Should we give importance to cost or customer service? 
Should we focus on GROWTH or PROFITABILITY?
Should I do the task or delegate it to someone?
 
The list may go on…
 
Why do we need to develop the competency?
 
We manage some conflicts efficiently and are stuck in complex conflicts that strain the relationship and work performance. We may end up with regret or guilt.
 
Somewhere i read that when we look at our life journey as success or failure, that will have a strong relationship with how we dealt with the conflict WITHIN ourselves or WITH OTHERS at some point in time. That may be true, and that is the consequence of conflict management.
 
Hence, the competency of conflict management is essential for managers and leaders, and let us discuss some of the insights next week  on 
 
Dynamics of conflict
How do we respond to conflict?
How to apply some of the conflict management techniques?
 
 Please recollect and share the recent conflict you encounter and the emotions you have undergone.

Beyond Criticism

 Beyond Criticism 

(Emotional Management for Personal & Professional Growth Series)

As we discuss the topic of "People Skill at the workplace," let us discuss some of the proven processes to apply when dealing with people.
 
Last week, we discussed a mature process of criticizing by "beginning your criticism with praise".

I requote the example for quick recall,

Your team presents you with a proposal for a new initiative, and you find that it lacks data, analysis, and proper justification. Instead of scrapping the recommendation by stating it as wasting of time, you can express, “Hi, the intent of new idea and thought process is good, but nowhere the proposal justifies the need for it. The proposal is substandard in its find need to work further on it.”
 
 
Compared to bluntly criticizing and hurting others, the method of "beginning criticism with praising"  seems to be a better option to some extent. However, there is scope for further improvement.

Do you think that smart and sensitive people would not recognize your sugar-coated way of criticism? People would be happy with your praise till they hear the word “BUT". When people hear the second part of the statement, they become resentful or feel low. Then they may even doubt the genuine of your praise.

I want to indicate that this method of beginning your criticism with praise would not work for smart and sensitive people. If you want to help them realize their mistakes or overcome some of the behaviors, you need to go one step beyond criticism.

The steps beyond criticism are

1) Encourage them and give a feeling that their mistakes can be correctable
2) Show them or demonstrate to them what needs to be done

In the above example,

In addition to the opinion, you can suggest or guide them on what needs to be modified in the proposal. In that way, you demonstrate genuine care for people’s mistakes or behavior, and you are part of them. That will make people take the intention of criticism in the real spirit.

To sum up,
 

• Criticize gently by beginning the criticism with praise
• Encourage or give a feeling that they can correct the mistakes 
• Go beyond by guiding them or demonstrating them.

 When you want to persuade people to get things done, you need to practice an effective way of criticizing others when it is really required. Leaders are expected to be a facilitator than a commander in today's professional environment.

Are you criticizing performance or people?

 Are you criticizing performance or people? 

(Emotional Management for Personal & Professional Growth Series)

As we discuss the topic of "People Skill at the workplace," let us discuss some of the proven processes to apply when dealing with people.
 

One of the typical moments we come across in our day-to-day professional life is giving our opinion to someone on his/ her performance or task. In this process, our intention is most of the time to correct the behavior but unfortunately ended up with criticism. We may be harsh and straight in our views. The strange part is others may not realize the intention and likely perceive it as criticism.

The side effects of criticism would be resentment, defensive, argument, and getting hurt.

As leaders or managers, we always have a dilemma on our communication style, whether we are giving constructive feedback or blunt criticism.

When you observe effective people, they never hesitate to give feedback when they see a sub-standard performance, but they never make it as criticism. They are aware of the fact that any perceived criticism will not solve the problem. They use the simple technique of “Begin criticism with praise.”
 
For example,

Your team presents a proposal for a new initiative, and you find that it lacks data, analysis, and proper justification. Instead of scrapping the proposal by stating it as wasting of time, you can express, “Hi, the intent of new idea and thought process is good, but nowhere the proposal justifies the need for it. The proposal is substandard, and the team needs to work further on it.”
 
In the above example, you are criticizing the performance and not the individual. You begin with praising the people‘s ideas and attacking the substandard of the report or performance only. In this way of response, likely no one will get hurt, and also others would take the message from the right perspective.
 
The point is that we cannot avoid giving feedback in a professional environment. However, we need to ensure the feedback should not be taken as criticism, which hurts the people and sometimes leads to defensive and argument. One effective way of dealing with low performance is to begin your criticism with praise.

This process needs awareness of our communication style when dealing with people. Just try it next time.

Let us discuss some more aspects of criticizing next week.

Power of Edifying others

 Power of Edifying others

(Emotional Management for Personal & Professional Growth Series)

As we discuss the topic of "People Skill at the workplace," let us discuss some insights on improving people's skill management techniques.
 
For the last few weeks, we have discussed some of the cause and effect of human emotions like pain vs. pleasure, recognizing, appreciation, people's reasons for their actions, beliefs behind the behavior, etc.
 
Now let us discuss some of the proven processes to apply when dealing with people. One such process is “EDIFYING.”

The meaning of Edifying is to build.

“If you edify a person for some qualities,” means you build a person for those qualities. You may be building the quality himself/herself and the minds of other people as well.

Edify a person, to others and themselves, even for the things you wish they would do. They'll soon begin to "believe in the qualities " and start adopting the traits and behaviors for which they are being edified.

For example,

Your friend  praised you and said, “you are very punctual for every occasion and straightforward in expressing your views.” This expression is something your friend edifies you (build) for those positive qualities.
Eventually, you behave up to, at least to friend's expectation of being punctual and straightforward as much as possible. Indirectly you strive to be consistent on those behaviors for which you have been edified.
 
It happened to me also in my school days, even though I did not know the meaning of edifying. Whenever i was promoted to the next class, the class teacher informed the next standard class teacher that i was a brilliant student. This used to happen every year and to maintain that “Build-up”! i  was striving hard to be a “ so-called" brilliant student in academics ( fortunately or unfortunately, i have never been excelling other than academics.I wish someone edified for other talents).

You can relate in your life that someone introduced you to the third person with some buildup; subsequently, the third person might have treated you according to what he was briefed.

That is the power of edifying as it emerges from the deep emotion of human beings that we want to be notable and recognized for something. We strive to meet the expectation.

In a professional environment, this is one of the powerful processes every leader can adopt by identifying positive qualities in each people and making the person aware of  (as 1-1 basis) or in front of others. That edifying process will make the person or make others expect the behavior from the person.

When you expand this concept, you can edify your team and your industry as well. Because what you expect comes to you.

Improve your FEEDBACK process

 Improve your FEEDBACK process 

(Emotional Management for Personal & Professional Growth Series)

 

As we discuss the topic of "People Skill at the workplace," let us discuss some insights on improving people's skill management techniques.
 
Let us understand one more cause and effect of people's emotions.
 
By nature, most of us do not like when someone is pointing us and giving feedback. In a professional setup, we tend to listen to other’s views on our behavior or actions, but most of the time, we do not internalize. As a result, only a few people have the mindset to accept feedback as an opportunity for improvement.

The reason could be how we give feedback and how others receive it determines whether the feedback is genuine or criticism.

 We have discussed some insights on feedback from both GIVER and RECEIVER perspectives sometime back, and the link is given below.

https://lifeexcellenceinsights.blogspot.com/2019/10/responding-to-feedback.html

 https://lifeexcellenceinsights.blogspot.com/2017/04/mind-your-intention-while-giving.html
 
To overcome the above challenges in perceiving the feedback as criticism, the modern coaches suggest a new way of giving the feedback, and they coin the word “feed-forward.” The purpose is identical in both terminologies, but the only difference is in Feed-forward; we intend others to correct or improve the behavior with our collaborative, suggestive approach.
 
For example,

Assume that your colleague made a report with many analytical typo errors. You can give feedback that the report is full of mistakes and this needs to be improved. Depending on the person, the feedback will be perceived as a criticism or improvement area. In this process, you are just focusing on the PAST and no interest or suggestions to improve.
 
Whereas in the Feedforward scenario, you jointly work with him/her to improve the analytical, typo errors aspects in the future. You may be suggesting different ways to enhance the presentation like software installation etc. In this process, the receiver senses the message for improvement and clarifies the improvement methodologies.

The purpose of indicating poor performance is met, and in addition with FUTURE actions are also indicated. So this is something proactive and friendly approach to dealing with people on improving the poor performance or behavior.

This feed-forward calls for patience, passion for helping others. In my opinion, that is required for the people managers if you want to improve your people management skills.

Just try the feed-forward method in your professional interaction, as this works for me.

Let us some insights next week and stay safe till then!

Recognize others for good behavior & task

 Recognize others for good behavior & task 

(Emotional Management for Personal & Professional Growth Series)

 

As we discuss the topic of "People Skill at the workplace," let us discuss some insights on improving people's skill management techniques.
 
Let us understand one more cause and effect of people's emotions.
 
We, as human beings, always look for recognition; that is, we expect others to acknowledge us for our behavior and tasks. That is nature. When someone recognizes or acknowledges us, we tend to repeat the same behavior or task to them in the future as well.

For example,

You recognize your colleague who had managed a crisis very well, and you acknowledge him/ her and say, “hi, you managed the situation very well.” This recognition will reside with him/ her forever, and he/ she will repeat the same behavior/action when a similar situation arises. That is the cause and effect of human emotions.

(Note that you just recognized and acknowledged, not even appreciated, There is a thin difference between appreciation and recognition)
 
Recently, i watched one of the reputed CEO’s interviews in which he responded to a question,” When are the happiest moments in your work?”. He replied," whenever someone recognizes my work, I feel happy. Adding to that, he narrated, "When i  present something to my board of directors and when they acknowledge and say, “Presentation is good,” that is enough for me to feel happy.”
 
From the interview, i  realized that whether you are CEO/ Business head with a proven track record or a beginner at a young age, all the people, as human beings, expect others to recognize our good behavior or actions.
 
If you understand this insight and acknowledge someone for their good behavior or actions or effort (not even result), they will repeat the same behavior many times. That is one of the simplest ways to get things done and manage the relationship. (i.e., People skills)

It looks elementary and common sense, but most of us ignore this aspect either due to taking a granted attitude or being egoistic of not expressing out.

Many times i realized that only when we are internally happy, we do recognize and appreciate others. When we are in a low state, we never recognize the good things.

Hence, be in a higher, positive state, look around and recognize your colleagues / junior colleagues for good behavior and task, making us good at people skills.

Let us discuss some more insights on people skills next week.

Stay safe till then.

People do for their reasons.

 People do for their reasons. 

(Emotional Management for Personal & Professional Growth Series)

 

As we discuss the topic of "People Skill at the workplace," let us discuss some insights on improving people's skill management techniques.
 
Let us understand one more cause and effect of people's emotions.

Many of us might have come across a situation where colleagues or junior colleagues agreed to do some tasks when we said, but never did it as per commitment or done with after many followups or completed with half-heartedly.

Some managers use to complain that people are not doing the task as they want them to do.

“The reason is that people are doing the things for their reasons, not for your reasons.”

The only reason for others to do is “THEY WANT TO DO."

Many times, our wants (reasons) and other wants (reason) is different. When there is a conflict of interest, things will not happen as we expect.

We can bridge the gap only through a trusted relationship, feedback, and in turn, positively influencing.

Some time back, i have experienced this conflict with one of my clients. I wanted them to prepare a macrolevel plan for an important project. They seem to be understood the context, importance and agreed to do so. But things got delayed, and i realized that my want(reasons) and their want (reason) are not matching.
My reason for the macro-level plan was to judge the potential quickly, and their reason was to arrive at the plan they should have more data, accuracy, availability of time, and so on. Because of many if's and buts, they did not want to initiate the task.

On realising the gap, i worked with them further to brief the benefits of quick overview and also clarified some of the ambiguities. Then finally things were done.

My key  realizations are 

Generally, people want to do as the intention is right, but other issues like doubt, lack of clarity, fear pulls them from doing it.
 
As leaders/managers, we need to establish the compelling need for completing the task to others. That can be done by building trust in what we say and how we say. It is mainly about bringing more clarity on the intention and transferring the same emotional aspect to others. Let us discuss the various methods in the coming weeks.

We need to clarify whether others have understood our wants/reasons. Most of the time, the feedback aspect we forget as we generally tend to say/hear, what we want to say/ hear, other things we use to filter or ignore it. We miss seeing things from other’s perspectives.
 
The key learning is that people are motivated to do things only when aligned with WHAT they WANT TO DO. Relating that WANT and bringing the motivation to do it through interpersonal and communication skills is essential for any leaders/ managers in getting things done.

Let us discuss some other people's skills next week.

Stay safe till then!
 

What kind of emotional experience do others get from you?

 What kind of emotional experience do others get from you? 

(Emotional Management for Personal & Professional Growth Series)

 

 As we discuss the topic of "People Skill at the workplace," let us discuss some insights on improving people's skill management techniques.
 
Before getting into the techniques, let us understand some of the principles of human emotions.

The ultimate purpose of people skills is to get things done and maintain a high quality of relationships.

Lesson 2: 
 
By nature, as human beings, we are always keen on either maximizing pleasure or minimizing pain in any actions and interactions with others.
 
Pleasure includes the feeling of pride, happiness, enthusiasm, fun, respect, joy, learning new things, and any other positive emotions.

Pain includes guilty, sadness, embarrassment, shame, feeling inferior, and any other non-positive emotions.

We always try to maximize pleasure and avoid pain.

For example,

At a personal level, when we take a task, we would like to complete it to get the most satisfaction from it, and we do not want it to get incomplete and then get the feeling of regret. For instance, when we make mistakes, we tend to explain as our mind does not accept the pain of realizing our incapability of not making things right. To avoid emotional pain, we justify with logic. That is the nature of us.

Similarly, at an interpersonal level, people are looking for gaining positive emotional experience from the work (like pride, appreciation, empowerment, learning something new) rather than non-positive experience from the work (like getting blamed, frustrated, feeling low, etc.).

To sum up, either at a self-level or an interpersonal level, everyone desires to maximize pleasure, minimize pain, or even avoid the pain.

If we want to improve people management skills, we need to remember this principle.

Also, we need to ask ourselves is, what kind of emotional experience are we giving to the people when they interact or work with us?

Are we giving others the most positive emotional experience, like respect, making others feel good, secure, comfortable to express, or another way?

When we enhance the positive emotional experience of others, we strengthen our people skills, that is, getting things done and improving the quality of relationships.
 
Let us learn some more principles next week.

Stay safe till then!