Empathy –explained easily

Most of the communication and interpersonal relationship issues in the organization or in family arise when we are not understanding others from their perspective, from their thinking and feeling. This result in arguments, blaming, abusing and finally results in straining the quality of the relationship.

Everyone has their own stories and hardships. If we understand others, their thinking, their feeling, then our way of looking at them would be different as everyone is undergoing different emotions at any point in time and to deal with them, empathy is required.

I came across a below video which explains the empathy in a beautiful way and I understand that this is being used for educating medical professionals to treat others in an empathetic way …
Pl watch it when you have time …thanks to Cleveland clinics on education series

https://goo.gl/YqsP2H

Why are we reluctant to appreciate others?

One of the common complaints or phrases, I use to hear in an unorganized or small organization from employees is “I am not getting appreciation from my colleagues or manager”. In fact, it is not heard in a family environment, but it would be the hidden cause of all the domestic arguments and fights.It is particularly from spouse!

Why we are reluctant to appreciate others when they do even small good work?

The psychological reasons for this reluctance to appreciate others could be
Fear of losing control 
More of self-centered and thinking as if no time for anything else
Taking granted others as they are part of us 
Poor self-esteem or low confidence
Not being in awareness or always busy in something 

This needs self-introspection within us.

One of the studies said that the person needs to be in a positive frame of mind. If one is not in a positive state, he/she cannot able to appreciate others. Hence, appreciation is not for only motivating others, it is a measure of our wellness of mental strength. 

Relook your habit of appreciation of others and frequency, especially the people in your family and the people are working for you. It reflects your mental health. 

How to work with non likeminded people?

We enjoy what we do only when the colleagues, partners, teammates are in almost same wavelength, that is a similar thought process, acceptance, understandings about the intentions etc .However in reality, we may work with the people who may not be similar thought level. Practically you may not have an immediate solution to move away from them, the only option left out is to cope with them.

How to deal with those people?

Accept their qualities as such. The moment you accept them, you mentally prepare yourself to work with them

As you think more about them, you are developing negativity about others and reinforce your non-acceptance.

Think & distant yourself  beyond them as  life provides a lot of opportunities to enjoy and  then you  realize how small they are in your life

Least, you relate with nature.Nothing lasts forever like cyclic of day and night.Everything will change 

The point is you can not change all the things as you like, but you need to adapt to reality as ultimately you need to do a lot in a short span and your peace of mind is important!

No effort or experience is waste

In personal and business environments, sometimes we may feel upset when our work is not recognized as it supposed to be or when the effort does not produce right results. If you observe some highly effective people, they continue to be persistent in their efforts and moved on. It is more perspective on how they look at the at the efforts and result.

You may be aware of the incident that happened to Thomas Alva Edison as he had done thousands of experiments to find an alternative for lead in storage batteries, but could not succeed.. When one of his associate friends asked about his  guilt  about his effort vs. result, Thomas replied, “ I have got a lot of results from effort’s.Now i  know several thousand things that won’t work.This learning experience will help me to find the right alternative”. Rest of the history we know. 

Key learning’s from highly effective people's perspective

1. Result is not in our hand, but effort
2. Each effort is not a waste, it gives experience to us
3. Life is all about experience 
4. One experience leads to another experience, by the way, we mature 
5. Eventually, your effort  & experience produces results.

The point is how we look at each experience, effort, moments in life and move on! 

Is it ok?

As you may be aware of Oprah Winfrey, a famous American lady and known for a talk show. She conducted “The Oprah Winfrey Show"  for 25 years, by interviewing the celebrities and successful people in all fields. It is one of the long runs, the highest rated television program in the history. In one of the interviews, she said that in almost all the episodes, after the shooting, all the celebrities used to ask one question to her. That commonly asked question is “Is it ok?”

In my opinion, this question from celebrities and highly successful people convey the fundamental human traits. Irrespective of  background, level of achievement, status, every human being is craving for two things 

1.Continuous desire for improvement 
2.Looking for confirmation from others either feedback or pat on the back 

I feel this is something we need to realize to improve our relationships and help others to grow.

How can we apply this in our personal and professional life?

In all the dealings with others, we shall give appreciation to others to endorse their positive actions, or we can give feedback to help others to improve.This is what expected in all relationships implicitly!

Surviving in the corporate jungle(New Book on management)

Recently happened to read this book and is written by my friend/mentor Mr.Ashok Bhatia who lives in Pondicherry. Since he had worked in big corporate like in TATA, HCL, Hidesign in senior leadership levels, he has brought his rich corporate experience and wisdom in this book to manage the workplace dynamics.While most of the authors are serious writing style to discuss the corporate practices with tons of do' and don't kind of pieces of advice, he presents the message with a sense of humor and conveys the point rightly. He covered almost all functions of management with simple messages to survive in corporate jungle

A good book to read for all working professionals to get a new perspective or wisdom from experienced person like Ashok Bhatia. Recommend this book to get a new perspective on leadership and management.

Link is given below to get in Amazon as Kindle version or paperback version

http://amzn.to/2vvmnTy

Why is patience required for development ?

      

One of the most challenging tasks for self at a personal level or leaders in a business environment is to reach next level growth by changing self or inspiring others to change. The strange nature of the change management process is that it requires continuous effort on nurturing and the result may not be visible immediately. Without knowing the change management process and with impatience mentality, most of us, either give up the effort or getting into inferiority feeling or spoiling the relationship or environment.

        As you might have aware of a bamboo tree, it is different from other trees as it does not grow in the usual fashion. While most of the trees start growing steadily from the beginning, this Chinese bamboo tree does not even break the ground for the first four years. Then on the fifth year, this tree starts to grow at an amazing growth rate. It is said that within four to five weeks time, it even grows to 90 feet height. Actually, during the first four years, growth is not visible externally, but the tree has internally grown and made the roots strong. This nature reveals a lesson on our growth efforts on self-development or on other people development.

        Whatever efforts we put on self-development or people development, it works internally and needs time to be visible externally. Here the key point is your patience to go through the process makes you realize the result, especially on self development or people development.
       

Giving is noble

A young man traveled to Himalaya as pilgrim trip.He found a stone on the riverbed and he picked it as he knew the value of it. After returning home, he was showing the stones to his relatives and friends.One of the relatives also aware of the value of the stone and requested the young man to give it to him. 
Without any second thought, the young man gave the stone to the relative.

Some days later, the relative came back to the young man and returned back the stone. Surprised with the fact that he liked the stone very much, the young man asked him, “I know you are fond of stone, that is the reason, I have given it you. Why are you returning back now?”

The old man replied, “I know the materialistic value of this stone, but more than that there is something precious WITHIN you that enables you to give this stone to me. I wanted to possess that. That is more valuable than anything else!!

Moral:

It is not how big we are in terms of materialistic, it matters how generous we are in giving to others, either it could be knowledge, money, time etc. That attitude makes a difference between ordinary and extraordinary!

Imposing change on self

There was a saint believed to have tremendous power to solve all kinds of life problems. One day, a middle aged man approached the saint to solve his personal problem. He narrated the saint with the list of complaints against his wife.It was quite apparent that his every effort to reform or change his wife’s behavior had proved a failure. He requested saint to help him.

Patiently listening to the man, the saint said, “I can assure you excellent married life, provided you become a better husband”.

Confused with the reply, the man curiously asked him, “What should I do for that”.

The saint replied “First give up all your efforts to change her as a better wife”

Moral of the story:

Not only in family relationship, in all relationships, no one will change their basic attitude and behavior easily for others, unless there is compelling need is felt.Hence, accept the people as such as it requires a major mindset change within us. That is relatively easier than any effort to change others.In a relationship, any form of imposing change only results in frustration and hurt in long run.

Moving from managing to coaching

One of the lesson or habit we need to learn when we grow either in personal or professional life is listening to others and allowing others to take a decision on their own.

Since we have grown up in an environment where obeying to senior’s instruction as perceived as discipline, the same mentality we are bringing in when we become an adult. We expect ourselves to give a bunch of advice to others and expect them to own. 

The real maturity of growth lies in when we move from managing to coaching. Everyone has to go through the path from managing to coaching.
For example, as a parent, we need to manage child as long as they are in childhood by giving advice on do’s and don’ts, getting into nitty gritty of all activities and decisions. That is fine as they are in childhood.When  they become an adult, the best way to manage them is to give the perspectives of pro’s and con’s of any decision and let them own the decision and consequence.

Similarly, when you are managing the people at a functional level, it is ok by giving advice and owning the result. When you move up the ladder into senior level, it is expected to make the people own the decision and your role is just to guide with possible approaches and their likely consequences.

When we continue to manage, stress crops in a relationship, ownership missing on the results from others. Just be aware of your level and role as manager or coach.